it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
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He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
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Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
false alarm, still single
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