Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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