I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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