she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
