i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Randomize
