I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I would ride that face into the sunset
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
