Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Randomize
