If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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