you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
