dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
