You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
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My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
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I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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