You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize