The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
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