he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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