Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
