So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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