Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I think your dad took our porno
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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