do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
