I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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