Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize
