The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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