Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good