u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis