My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Pants are for mortals
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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