how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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