ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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