Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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