New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
