I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
