he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Randomize
