K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
