I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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