If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
