I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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