he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
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She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
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Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
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