I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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