i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
