Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
