Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
