ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
