I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
