How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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