i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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