Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I enjoy the company of your penis
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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