My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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