You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
