His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
