im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
