Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
