So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
