there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Randomize
