We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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