he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
