Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
