I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
