So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
