Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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