I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
