Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
