That's intense
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
