Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
