I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Its about making memories worth repressing
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
