I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Randomize
