I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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