she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Randomize
