I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
What changed your mind?
Being sober
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
