i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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