white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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