dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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