someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
