six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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