Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
