I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
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We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
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Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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