Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
