I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
