and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
