I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
