I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
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