I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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