woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize