Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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