My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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