do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
