he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
