I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
