last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I could make wine with my vomit
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
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