Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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