Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
