capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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