before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
