bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
