i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
