Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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