Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
